Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
