I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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