I'm lost and stupid without you.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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