Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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