you didnt know i had herpes?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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