dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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