You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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