I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
