Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize