is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
