Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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