Please, let me fuck your mom
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
