i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
