He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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