"it" just moved
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
