woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
