You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
