Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
