He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
