are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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