he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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