I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Redeem this text for a blowjob
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
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