it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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