i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize