So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
