Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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