frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
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Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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