I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
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Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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