Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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