yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I believe in your delicious
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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