she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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