You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
