Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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