So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
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I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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