I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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