I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
