Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Apparently you make a good broom.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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