If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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