Screwed.edu
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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