u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
