As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize