i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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