You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
