You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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