Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
What a dumb baby whore.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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