Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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