I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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