she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
