There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
