I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
