sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
