You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
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halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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