I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Green mimosas i think yes
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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