So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How drunk are you??
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"