the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.