and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina