Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
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His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.