ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
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you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
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you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.