I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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