You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
