Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
