I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This is classic penis vs brain.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
