sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
