If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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