nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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